APPROACH

Working together in individual therapy, couple therapy or relationship counseling, we will explore fears and  hurts and learn to change the negative relationship cycles and patterns that create stumbling blocks to a fulfilling connected relational life.

Therapy is a process of personal growth. Many of the people who seek out therapy with me describe themselves as feeling disconnected from themselves  and the people they most care about and love.  To help, I incorporate a variety of approaches. Mostly, I draw upon body-centered ( Somatic)  and experiential psychotherapy along with emotionally focused therapy ( EFT), internal family systems therapy (IFS) and  eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR). 

Relationship problems in daily life are often linked to longstanding fears and hurts. These unprocessed fears and hurts can tweak behavior. Pain and worry can show up as low self-esteem, reactivity rather than responsiveness, distrust, unclear boundaries, identity confusion or persistently having a hard time saying what you really mean. Feeling down or anxious can get in the way of enjoying close caring relationships. Perhaps you want to move ahead in your personal life or career, yet fears and hurts keep you stuck or feeling like you're constantly swimming upstream. Fears, hurts, lack of connection, a sense of being all alone and negative beliefs about yourself can contribute to the tenacity of acute or chronic stress as well as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). And entrenched attachment injuries  can cause disabling  and enduring sadness from relationship loss, break-ups, bereavement, separation and divorce.

For many people, psychotherapy and counseling play an important part in ongoing growth and change through both difficult and different life  stages and transitions. My style is relational and emotionally focused. I am from the East Coast and some would say that shows. Most importantly, I weave together emotional, experiential, somatic and evidence based cognitive approaches with a dash of humor to help you create a more positive, resilient and embodied sense of who you are.

I welcome couples from all lifestyle and cultural orientations who are interested in deepening intimacy, empathic understanding and establishing a sex-positive relationship. Are you are a couple struggling with frequent arguing or are you avoiding important topics or worries because you're afraid to share them? In times of stress and need, do you turn away from rather than towards your partner? You and your partner or spouse might be caught up in that same old dance of "There's no room for me" or " I'm too much" or "You're gonna leave me" or "I just can't get it right'". Or... maybe it seems like you're living parallel lives and feel too scared to talk about your disconnection though wishing to do just that. Using an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy approach, I will help you identify the patterns and cycles keeping you apart. You will learn how to have courageous conversations which deepen your intimate connection with each other. Working on your relationship with your partner or spouse takes work- hard work. And if you are willing to take the plunge, you can build an intimate relationship that feels healthier, safer, sexier and stronger.

I am trained in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), a research-based, body-centered cognitive psychotherapy effective in resolving painful memories and psychological wounds related to emotional, physical, and sexual trauma or abuse. EMDR sessions follow a specific protocol that allows you to gradually and safely process difficult ( sometimes scary and painful) memories. At the beginning of EMDR therapy, we work on establishing healthy emotional resources to support and comfort you both in and outside of therapy. Over time and as a result of EMDR, many people enjoy relief from disturbing symptoms of PTSD as well as as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, anxiety attacks and depressed moods associated with past hurts. For those who courageously choose to engage in EMDR psychotherapy, the benefit of feeling better about yourself is well worth the journey.

Are you newly identified as or are  you a parent of someone who is gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, queer, gender fluid, non-binary, poly, kink or questioning of their sexuality or gender?  Or have you proudly identified as an LBGTQ... person for a long time? In either case, the San Francisco Bay Area may seem like a safe place to march to your own beat and or figure that out.

Perhaps you have moved here in the past year or so and feel like an outsider. Maybe you've just broken up with a lover or from a long-term relationship and feel hurt and alone and wonder if you'll ever be in a healthy enduring relationship. You and your same-sex partner might be caught up in that same old dance of "I'm right and You're wrong" or " Why don't you listen to me" or "I'm just not _________ enough". Or maybe it seems like you're living parallel lives and feel too scared to talk about your disconnection though wishing to do just that.

Working together with a therapist well-versed in and sensitive to the concerns and struggles of the LGBTQ community can be a safe place to start integrating your strengths, vulnerabilities and longings to build the relational life you desire. Please contact me to talk about individual psychotherapy or couple therapy or relationship counseling. Secure on-line therapy available.